Vets Continue to Support Each Other

I was at the LA book fair and talking to a couple of fellow veteran authors about what we miss about the military. Some said they missed the traveling, others missed the friendships, while others miss the structure, but all of us agreed that we miss most is the comradery. Having the ability to be around others who have been in similar situations is irreplaceable. We all understand each other; we can joke around and pick on each other and display our dark sense of humor without being judged. One of the biggest things we have in common is having to adapt quickly to new situations, including dealing with people we do not know. For the most part we were all assigned to places that were away from our home towns. We also had to leave our families for the unknown. We have all been placed in the same boat at one time or another. We were forced to move away from family, high school friends, and acquaintances. All military members have been sent into a situation where we were ordered to a new environment or situation where we knew no one. That is what we all had in common, we had to find a way to adapt to the new environment and depend on strangers. Those strangers become the ones we trusted, even though we came from a different race, or background, we all needed to place our biases aside to reach a common goal… the mission.

When we were “home” we had our high school friends and family members to help with us with what we needed to get done. When we joined the military, we lost the help from those relationships we have fostered throughout our lives. We struggled to relate to civilian classmates and friends because time passed and we changed because the military changed who we were, we struggled to relate to our civilian friends. Those friends and family were hundreds if not thousands of miles away and often had a different outlook on life than we had. We had become accustomed to the loss of relationships as we moved on from assignment to assignment, lost friends to combat and suicide. We became hardened to the realities of life and our attitude displayed the change. The idea of moving on became our norm as we went forward with our duty.  

As we moved on to new assignments, we would not know anyone. We would get to our new assignment nervous of what we were getting into. For the most part we would arrive with no friends, family, feeling alone and vulnerable. What we didn’t realize was there were a lot of people there who have been in the same situation and were willing to help. They often would volunteer to help you because they have been there too. They soon become your family of choice, those you depend on throughout your tour. They were there to help you make the transition, often this carried over to the spouses.  

Those of us who were married always had the single folks at our house. Especially during the holidays, they were hard on everyone, especially the single folks. Food was always the key to making things work. The single folks had few chances to get home cooked meals. They would visit and spend the holidays and birthdays with their family of choice. Get togethers were common and bonds were made. Cookouts became the norm with multiple families getting together with their kids and the single troops from the barracks. As we moved from assignment to assignment or went back “home” we still remember the support we had while in the military and we missed it.   

At the book fair as we discussed what we missed, it was evident that the bond we have between all of us was strong because we have all been in the same situations at one time or another. It was true, we were all at the book fair to promote our books, but we were also there to support each other. We help each other develop as authors and give constructive criticism. We read each other’s work; we share our work with each other. We toss around ideas and ask questions. We feel safe with each other because it is in our DNA to help each other thrive. Everyone who comes in is welcomed and accepted. In our group we have all generations of veterans from Vietnam to present, we have veteran family members including spouses, children, and brothers and sisters of veterans. We all have connections to the military, and it is nice to feel safe. The group is about writing, but it is also about getting back the relationships we lost once we separated from the military. We usually meet once a month to support each other and float ideas for new books or screenplays. I welcome all veterans and their families to come and check it out. You do not need to be a student at the college. If you have ever thought about writing a book or screen play, we can help you. Hope to see you there.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at bo@afterdutyvets.com or visit our website at afterdutyvets.com.