Its Holiday Season Again
It’s coming quickly, the family gatherings, traveling to see loved ones, but the holidays can be a trigger for someone with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Often, we know there is something that causes some of those with PTSD to not want to take part in family get-togethers, but we can’t quite put our finger on why. Some family members know that it can be family dynamics or worse childhood trauma. I most families there are family secrets and some folks struggle to keep the family secret because it caused their PTSD. George and I were talking about the upcoming holidays and what his plans were. George was in the Army and decided to get out after a training incident killed a fellow soldier. As George was talking about the incident that caused his PTSD, I had assumed it was from the accident. Surprisingly it had nothing to do with the accident, it had to do with family.
George explained the tell tail signs of PTSD and I assumed it was due to the accident. After we talked a while, I discovered it was not the accident that caused his PTSD. George was sexually molested by a family member while staying at their home over the holidays when he was 12 years old. Even though it happened over 40 years ago it still affects his life, especially around Christmas. Throughout the years George has never set up a Christmas tree in his house since he became an adult. He was also the first person to volunteer to work during Christmas, so he did not have to participate in family gatherings. George never put together the reasons he did not want a Christmas tree, or why he disliked family gatherings and Christmas. We discovered during a session that he was triggered by the smell of Christmas trees. So often the trauma that caused the PTSD comes from childhood trauma, just like Georges and it is not even realized by themselves or family. Family gatherings can be a big trigger for someone who was assaulted by a family member because the victim feels that others know the secret, or they might have to face their abuser, so they choose not to go or try and avoid the situation.
When someone is a veteran family tend to believe that a veteran’s trauma comes from military service, and George played along with the accident as the reason for his behavior. But in Georges’ case came from childhood and the accident made his PTSD symptoms worse. One study shows that only six present of PTSD comes from combat. Family members are one of the leading perpetrators in childhood trauma. This abuse can be anywhere from neglect, assault, molestation and sexual assault. About 90% of children who are victims of sexual abuse know their abuser. Approximately 30% of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members. I know that abuse in the family is something that is not talked about. I have been told stories that the abused child spoke up about the abuse and was not believed or worse told to shut up and not say anything about the incident. The triggers usually arise when someone with PTSD is forced to face their abuser over the holidays because family expects them to come to the gathering not knowing the abuser or perpetrator is there. Unfortunately, this happens more than it is admitted too or even known about.
Families need to become aware of the triggers that can arise during the holidays. The signs of trigger’s usually start about a month before the holiday. I would like family members to be aware of why their loved one with PTSD might struggle over the holidays. The issues above are just a few that those with PTSD have over the holidays. I just wanted family members and even folks with PTSD to understand why they might struggle over the holidays. George never linked the lack of participation in family gatherings during the holidays with his PTSD. I challenged George to put up a Christmas tree this year, we will see if he does.
For questions or comments, I can be reached at bo@afterdutyvets.com or visit our website at afterdutyvets.com.