The Importance of Accountability
Jessie is a Vietnam veteran who suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Jessie has been married 3 times and is presently married to his 4th wife Lisa. Jessie stated that once he returned from Vietnam his anger was way worse than it was before his deployment. Jessie came to see me because of his PTSD on Lisa’s demand. Lisa had threatened to leave him if he didn’t get the help he needed for his issues. Lisa had seen Jessie’s anger and fears him when he was drinking. Lisa did not know what had happened with his prior relationships but after a while she discovered his temper, she put 2 and 2 together.
Jessie had been struggling for 40 years since Vietnam, some of his family made excuses for him acting the way he was with his temper, others gave him a pass for his actions. Jessie had a lot of PTSD signs, but no one knew what they were seeing at the time. They just chalked it up to Jessie being Jessie. He has been unable to go into a crowd for years, he gets antsy and short with people, sometimes to the point of confrontation. He has nightmares, gets triggered by smells, sounds, and certain situations while driving. His hyper vigilance is legendary to those who know him.
Once I started digging into his past, I found out that Jessie had a horrific childhood background. Jessie was raised by a violent alcoholic father who beat Jessie, his mother, and siblings at every turn. Jessie had a low draft number, so he decided to join the Navy before he was drafted. He joined hoping to get away from his alcoholic father and the turmoil at home. Jessie did what so many others have done in the past, joining the military to escape their home situation. Jessie went into the Navy strait out of high school thinking he would be on a ship; little did he know he would become a Seabee assigned to a ground unit at Cam Ranh Vietnam. We see a lot of people who volunteer for the military to escape a domestic violence or violent neighborhood situation. These folks are often more susceptible to PTSD because they come in with a traumatic background. Some come into the military with PTSD or the PTSD “seed” increasing their chance of getting PTSD or making it worse. It appears that is what happened to Jessie.
Jessie had been pulled over multiple times for driving under the influence (DUI). He was able to escape the penalties for a DUI for years, but once the crackdown on DUI’s took place led by the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) campaign, he had gotten two. Jessie did some jail time for his DUI and continued to struggle with his drinking. His drinking keeps causing him problems and has affected his relationship with Lisa. Jessie struggled to hold down a job because if his temper, drinking, and inability to do certain tasks. He could not be in crowds or work in confined spaces. Jessie had a good work ethic and skills he learned as a Seabee, so he started his own business. He worked doing odd jobs, being a handy man, and whatever was needed for years while making a decent living doing it.
One night, Jessie crossed the line and hit Lisa in a drunken rage. Lisa laid down the law with him. Lisa flat out told him if he did not get help, she was leaving. Jessie was 70 years old and could not see himself being alone, so he promised to get help. Lisa explained to Jessie and me in their initial session that she understood his PTSD played a part in his actions, and she would stay if he got help. Lisa had forced Jessie to make the needed changes. That’s how Jessie ended up in my office
It took Jessie over 40 years and a wife that supported him, loved him, and held him accountable for his actions to get the help he needed. Lisa had decided that she was unwilling to let Jessie continue to blame his PTSD for his actions. Lisa decided to make Jessie take responsibility for his actions. Jessie appears to be headed down the right path. At 71 years old he is finally able to live the quiet life without drama and the constant battles in his head, and Lisa is still with him.
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