Veterans and Their Families Have Mental Health Options
As a clinician I hear a lot of stories that bring light to the severity of the mental health situation plaguing our veterans and their families. Mary is married to Doug, an Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) / Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF) veteran. Doug served three combat tours, those tours have affected their relationship in some concerning ways. Mary and Doug have been married for 17 years and have 2 children, 16 and 14 years old. Doug was an Air Force Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO) commanding convoys while in the Iraqi theatre. He is now medically retired after 18 years of service due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Doug was trying to hold out for his 20 years to receive full retirement, but he could not contain and maintain his control of his PTSD for 2 more years, especially with another deployment looming.
Mary, like many spouses are struggling to understand why Doug is so distant and will not open up to her like he used to. Many veterans don’t feel comfortable discussing their stories with their families and friends for fear of them not understanding. Veterans stories usually make them too vulnerable to tell anyone who has not been there. It is normal for spouses and families to struggle understanding what is going on with their loved ones. As Mary explained their problems I realized this is an ongoing theme in many veteran’s families. She feels the first two tours changed Doug, but the last tour changed his whole demeanor, she knows something happened, but not the specifics. Mary is struggling because he is not the same thoughtful, caring man and father she married seventeen years ago.
Doug commanded convoys moving supplies from the main base to Forward Operating Bases (FOB’s) in Iraq. During a convoy to a FOB they were hit by an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) and subsequently started taking small arms fire. In an instant Doug’s life changed forever, he lost one troop with two more injured. He received some minor injuries himself, but as all good NCO’s his concern was his troops. As he assessed the damage after the firefight he saw the carnage and the destruction of his troops and their equipment. He was in command of that convoy and bears the burden and guilt of those casualties.
He struggles daily dealing with the guilt for not seeing the attack coming that killed and injured his troops. The realization that these troops were not much older than his own children continues to follow him. He continues to deal with survivor’s guilt and feels the need to contact his injured troops and the family of his lost troop, but he’s not ready to take that step, the guilt is too much for him. It was his job to protect his troops and he failed in his eyes. As time went on and he returned home to his family he tried to contain his symptoms from them and the Air Force. He started to drink heavily until Mary forced him to seek help. After getting help one of his greatest fears was realized, he was diagnosed with PTSD and medically discharged. He had lost his identity and was no longer a career Air Force NCO, he was Doug, a disabled veteran with no job to support his family. He has been unemployed since he received his medical retirement, making him feel useless. Doug went to the Veterans Administration (VA) for help and was placed on a waitlist, but eventually got into a group. After 12 group sessions and a few individual sessions he was told he had completed his treatment. He felt more was needed than he had gotten, but he didn’t push for more, the perception of the red tape and the feeling of discontent prevented him from seeking more help.
One of the common themes among many veterans is the distrust of the VA system. Who can blame them with the recent information about services? Many have trouble navigating the system because of their disabilities. This causes them to feel overwhelmed so they give up. Mary spent time exploring her options. As she looked around she saw other’s that were making moves to help veterans. Since the VA and Vet Centers offer limited services to families Mary found there was help outside the VA system.
Mary and Doug are now using one of these outside resources for help. They are still struggling but making progress. These outside resources understand the family is an integral part of the wellbeing of their veteran. They also understand that the families served and still serve their country by being married to Soldiers, Airman, Seamen, and Marine veterans. It is important that the military brats also get their due. They served by having their parents deployed for extended amount of time and missing a host of important events in their lives. These families still serve while dealing with the aftermath of war. These outside resources serve the whole family, not just the members. Many state and local communities offer services and support for veterans and their families. It is important that veterans and family members locate these services and utilize them.
For questions or comments, I can be reached at bo@afterdutyvets.com or visit our website at afterdutyvets.com.