Veterans Need to Utilize Their Best Weapons

I was talking to an officer of a local Veteran Service Organization (VSO) about how the Veterans Administration (VA) operates when it comes to input from veteran’s family members for medical needs. I have been told by several sources that spouses are not allowed into the room with the veteran to see doctors at the VA. The VSO representative informed me that he has not had that problem, his wife attends all his appointments when she comes to the VA with him. Apparently, there are different rules depending on the situation and doctor. I recently was told by a friend that she could not go into the room with her father who suffered from Agent Orange in Vietnam. When her father was called, she got up to go to with him. She was told she couldn’t come in with him. Her father plainly stated, if she doesn’t come neither do I. She was only allowed into his appointment because he insisted. In many cases, it appears spouses and family members can go to appointments at the VA if the veteran insists. It seems the issue is with the veteran not wanting their family member to go into the appointment with them. Veterans often fear being vulnerable in front of their family members, especially when it comes to mental health issues.  

I agree that family members do not need to go with the veteran to their mental health therapy sessions. Veterans might not speak freely with a family member attending. Dealing with mental health issues can be scary for everyone, especially veterans who have the “suck it up and deal with it” attitude. Feeling they are weak is a major concern for many veterans when working through their mental health demons. Many veterans feel shame or guilt about what they had to do while in the combat zone, therapy sessions are not a place for family members.

However, when it comes to seeing the psychiatrist that is a different story. Most psychiatrists do not do talk therapy and only deal with mental health medication. It can be important to have someone who lives with the veteran in the room to help answer questions about the side effects of the medications has on the veteran. Those who live with the veteran see subtle problems many veterans might miss. Family members, especially spouses look at the veteran with a different eye than veterans look at themselves. Often these spouses see the veteran as they navigate their day, family members can notice subtle changes that might be important when dealing with psychotropic medication. By allowing the spouse or family member to talk to the psychiatrist with them it can help the doctor get the whole picture and make the appropriate adjustments to their medication. With medical doctor’s, family members can get information to help the veteran stay on track and do as the doctor orders. Often it comes down to veterans not wanting to be “nagged” because they want to do what they want and not have to follow doctors’ orders. By letting family members come in, it means the veterans must be vulnerable and trust their family members, a tall order for some veterans.

These family members have stuck with their veteran, many have earned the right to hear the story.  Veterans must work through their time in combat. At times the shame, guilt, and breaking of their moral code to survive weighs heavy on them. When veteran’s family members understand the situation, they can help the veteran get their life back. This can allow the veteran to live the happy life they deserve and earned. Leaving the baggage of military service behind can be a struggle for some. For most it can be done with therapy and support of their spouse or family.    

If veterans will let them, families can be a veteran’s biggest allies. Veterans often struggle to break out their most important weapon in their arsenal, their spouse or family members. There is nothing fiercer than a pissed off spouse, mother, father, brother, sister, or grandchild because they feel their loved one is being treated unfairly. Veterans should weaponize their spouses and family members, give them the power of trust, and let them speak up when they feel the need. But to weaponize family member’s veterans must let them into their lives completely, this includes seeing the doctor with them for medical and medication issues even if the VA says no and tries to keep them out. Veterans family members live with them, it is only right we let them into our lives and utilize their weaponry, their insight and knowledge, to help everyone live a happier life they have earned and deserve.

For questions or comments, you can contact me at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit my website at www.afterdutyvets.com, and subscribe to my YouTube channel After Duty Vets or like us on Facebook at After Duty Vets.