Families Need to Become Educated About PTSD

I remember going to a veteran’s event and sat up a booth trying to promote the free mental health services for veterans and their families. Very few people stop because I am promoting mental health. Countless events I set for hours while people just walk by with no one stopping to talk, a few pick up flyers and keep walking. As I try to engage people I can see their discomfort because no one wants to be seen talking to someone promoting mental health. When I walk away from my booth I am approached by veterans and family members seeking counseling without counseling. Often these conversations are spouses of veterans wanting to know what they can do to get their veteran into counseling or ask questions about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I am always willing to help but these conversations are too complex for a 5-minute sidebar chat in an open area. If answering questions with a sidebar talk could fix the issues or increase understanding of PTSD there wouldn’t be a need for PTSD treatments. As a mental health professional we are successful when we work ourselves out of a job, we all wish the issues concerning PTSD could be solved with a 5- minute discussion, it’s just not that easy.     

It is a well-known fact that a large stigma exists within the military ranks about mental health. Veterans are taught to suck it up and deal with it. Military members are unrealistically expected by society and family members to come home from war and act as if nothing ever happened. In many cases military members see things no human should ever have to see and do things against our moral code. Military members and their families are stuck dealing with the aftermath of necessary wartime actions. The suck it up and deal with it attitude might help in theatre but is not helpful once they arrive home. Military members are asked to give up their family life and families are asked to bear the burden of war. Veterans return from war to a family and society that does not understand the horrors that many of them see. Due to the mental health stigma many veterans will not seek help for fear of being labeled crazy by the military, society or their family. The mental health stigma in the military is engrained in veterans creating a huge barrier to overcome by both the family member and the veteran.

It is difficult for family members to understand why a veteran will not get help for their mental health issues. As a prior military member and veteran I understand why veterans do not seek mental health help. Family members should understand not getting help has little to do with them. The military culture has a negative view on warriors seeking mental health help. Veterans fear the loss of confidence in them from their peers and the possibilities of losing their careers if they seek psychological help.  This attitude can carry over once a military member becomes a veteran for good reason. Mental health stigma exists in the civilian culture as well, just not as prominent. Veterans worry about their civilian peers, employers, and family members seeing them as weak. This is where the families come in.

Veteran’s spouses and families are key to getting help for PTSD. If you want a veteran to get help for PTSD getting them to do it for their families can work. Often veterans will not do it for themselves but they will do it for someone they care about and love. I have had numerous veterans say they don’t need help but their wives threatened to leave them if they didn’t get the help they feel they don’t need. The help they didn’t need enhanced their relationships making most of them better spouses and citizens. By family members becoming educated on PTSD they can understand the why’s and how’s of PTSD. Education can give family members the power to have the conversation with their loved one. In return the education will help the family members help themselves, leading to a better relationship with their loved one. The efforts taken by family and friends can lead to getting back the happy life they deserve.

Being Married to PTSD or having a loved one with PTSD is a challenge. By becoming knowledgeable about PTSD and why someone reacts the way they do when triggered can help better your relationship. There is a lot of information about PTSD out there, especially the internet, some good some bad. The common theme I see is family members being told what to do about PTSD, but not how to do it. Become educated on how to handle situations, not what to do can help. Having the proper tools and knowing how to do what you are told to do make easier to be Married to PTSD and may save your relationship.

For questions or comments, you can contact me at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit my website at www.afterdutyvets.com, and subscribe to my YouTube channel After Duty Vets or like us on Facebook at After Duty Vets.