Military Veterans Can be Hard on Families
I am often approached by people who believe their childhood was made harder than it had to be because of their parent’s military service. Many veteran’s children have the same story. They often express how their parents were stricter than their friends. These children discussed how their parent’s placed military grade, extremely high expectations on them, causing them stressed and anxiousness that is a part of their lives that followed them into adulthood. For some veteran’s children who lived with a parent having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, stress, and fear also follow the children into adulthood.
Wendy was one of those children. Wendy was a 30-year-old student who attended my psychology class while going to nursing school. She approached me after a class lecture on PTSD and disclosed her parents were in the Army before she was born. Wendy described how she struggled to live with her father’s PTSD causing drama and turmoil in her family and the military standards placed on her as a child. Wendy now shows signs of struggling with anxiety because of her father’s PTSD while growing up, which is more common than we like to believe.
Living with someone who has PTSD is difficult, especially for a child. Someone who has PTSD operates at a higher threat level than others and is constantly on high alert. Operating at a higher threat level causes stress, anxiety, and can cause PTSD in family members. Most people with PTSD don’t even realize the affects they leave on their family. The symptoms of PTSD can be passed down generations. I have seen instances where PTSD symptoms from a Word War II veteran was passed down to their child, who passed the symptoms down to their children and so on. Over generations PTSD can become a systemic issue in many families. It can become a major problem that is overlooked by families because they don’t know where the symptoms started or came from. Even though PTSD might not be in a veteran’s home, living with a military veteran can be difficult even without PTSD symptoms.
Those who have served in the military know how controlling the military can be. Some parents carry the controlling lifestyle from the military into their families even after they get out. One of the issues many children of veteran’s face is the demands place on them by their demanding parents. All the rules and discipline in a military veteran’s home stick with the children as they grow and have their own families. The rules and methods of military discipline are passed down from generation to generation as children of veterans have their own children. This type of discipline often bringing anxiety due to strict rules and military expectations that flow from generation to generation. Rules and discipline are not bad, it becomes a problem when they are taken to extremes as in Wendy’s case.
Wendy discussed how her anxiety gets in the way of her success. Wendy felt she could not do anything right because of the scrutiny she faced as a child due to their “boot camp” upbringing and her father’s PTSD. Wendy has issues taking risks for fear of failure. In Wendy’s home failure as was not an option. I spent time explaining to Wendy how her father’s military service and PTSD could have affected her and caused her anxiety. Wendy is a proud woman because of her upbringing and chooses not to get counseling because of the stigma. Like I always here from people like Wendy “I’m not crazy” is the excuse for not getting help. The mental health stigma bothers me because so many people can live a better life if they just choose to ask for help. If you are a child of a veteran like Wendy, and you have anxiety, depression, trust issues, or PTSD you can be helped. The first thing you need to realize is you’re not crazy, and your struggles are not your fault. Understanding where the struggles came from and getting help is what it takes to get the life you have earned and deserve. Just remember you are not broken or alone, there are a lot of people like you. Step outside of your comfort zone and have the life you deserve, get a counselor.
For questions or comments, you can contact me at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit my website at www.afterdutyvets.com, and subscribe to my YouTube channel After Duty Vets or like us on Facebook at After Duty Vets.